brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
