I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
