I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
