K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
