You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
