DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize