I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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