My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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