Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
