I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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