I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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