goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
