singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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