theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So. Much. Porn.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
