and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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