No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
