3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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