I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
