i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
