I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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