Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
