By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize