I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
