i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
