guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize