I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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