My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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