Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
