Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
