Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
