so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize