Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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