I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
