anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize