I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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