chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
