kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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