Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you would pick up someone in the library
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
