I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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