what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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