I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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