so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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