well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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