ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She announced her abortion via fbk
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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