watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
