the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
where are my eyebrows?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
