Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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