No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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