did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
