all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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