The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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