He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
