he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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