My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
