I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
