Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
