Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
