come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
