Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
