yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
