it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
