Moan for me like Helen Keller
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
