I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
