i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
