dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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