We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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